I’ve been wishy-washy lately. Emotional. Distracted. Putting off Big Decisions that frighten me in favor of comfort and a little self-indulgence. I’d like to say I’ve been reading, but even that requires too much attention. I’ll start a book only to wander away from it. The internetz, it is rotting my brain. Facebook, twitter, google–fast snippets of life and information all at the push of a button. How can I be expected to maintain a concentrated attention over multiple hours if I don’t practice? I have grown soft and dull and over worked.

Malabrigo Yarn Rios

But this post was about casting on a new project. I went to the yarn store to purchase some leafy green Spud & Chloe Sweater yarn with the idea of making my own owl sweater dress: the top would be owls in the left-over yellow from the Owlet sweater I just made, the skirt would be a leaf lace pattern in green. But when confronted with the green choices at the store I balked. The green just didn’t jump out at me, and I was unsure of my ability to remake the pattern into my own. I dawdled around the store, hubby and baby in tow, until I happened upon a beautiful dark blue colored yarn. I didn’t have a pattern for it, but I wanted it. So, spur of the moment, bought it. It’s superwash merino and pretty thick. Aran, I think. I whiled away my free hours last night surfing ravelry for a good pattern, only to decide to do the owlet sweater again. After casting on and knitting a few rows, I changed my mind and frogged it. The Owlet Sweater, I decided, is been there, done that. I want to learn something new. Something just challenging enough to hold my attention, but not too challenging that I put it aside and forget about it.

Elenka Dress designed by Inna Aleksandrova, knit by Yantarik

Today I cast on a new dress that I think I’ll stick with. The Elenka pattern’s smallest size is 2T, so I’m knitting with smaller size 6 needles. They feel tiny in my hands, so used to size 8. Of course I didn’t knit a gauge swatch. I’m pantsing it, again, hoping that it’ll fit J for this summer, not next, when I’m done.

The blue will bring out her eyes.

I also bid on and won a Scrivener package from Larissa Ione. I realize that I’m procrastinating by reading books on craft and studying structure and pondering–always pondering–am I doing the right thing??? That Amanda Hocking person is making how much epublishing? Will people even be reading paper books in three years when mine comes out? And the grass is always greener. Cast on, cast off. What I need to do is make a choice and stay the course, because the end will be the same. J will look good in the brilliant dark blue whether it’s an owl or a pussycat. People will read my book in print or on the screen. Some will like it, some will hate it, but the story will be out there to light my little corner of the universe.

Now for the real work: knit one, purl two, and repeat.

I finished the Owlet Sweater for J in time for her first birthday party yesterday. It was a little big, but she’ll have plenty of time to grow into it. The party was lovely–purple, yellow, and pink streamers and balloons everywhere, lots of love and laughter. J had a fabulous time. She’s such a party girl. I know exactly where she got that extravert trait from, and it isn’t the same place she got her long eye lashes.

Owlet pattern by Kate Davies, knit in Spud & Chloe Sweater yarn (organic cotton-wool blend)

So my big news for those of you still reading this blog…*crickets*…is that I SOLD my first book in a three book deal and signed with my dream agent. WOOT!!! We made the decision to publish under a pen name, which means this blog will no longer be my writing website. Stasis equals death. I read that in my plotting notes recently, and it struck me again how true that is. Change is the only constant. So in the spirit of change, I’m freeing this blog from the confines of an aspiring author. It will rise again from the ashes (in my copious free time between mommyhood and writing deadlines) to be the place where I share my other interests…namely KNITTING, crafting, baking, and generally being an undomestic goddess who dreams of getting out hiking more.

I’ve really been limited in what I feel comfortable talking about on the blog for the last few years, ever since I realized people actually read this thing. Honestly, I have a lot of anxiety about sharing my thoughts on the internet. Mr. Stewart, he of the 10 thousand twitter followers, does not have these qualms. But I’m a shy, sensitive sort, and so I worry about how strangers perceive me and how one might take my words out of context and generally doing things wrong on the internet.

I’m going to worry less about what other people think about me, stress less about blogging grammatically correct sentences, and embrace the creative community that the internet can be when we aren’t being snarky drama queens. I’m poking my head out of my shell again to share the light of my creativity with the world one post at a time. I can’t guarantee that I’ll post regularly, but it’ll be a sight more than never.

Until then, mes amis, this is good night and good luck.