You hear that scream of frustration? No? At this point, I’m rather resigned to the fact that I will knit and rip and reknit this dress until it is PERFECT. DAMN IT. But it’s still beautiful yarn, and even with my mistakes, the pattern is adorable.

Writing is like this. A lot of editing. A lot of rewriting. A lot of pushing “delete”. I over-edit. I criticize before the words even hit the page. I seek perfection.

I need to stop.

Perfectionism is a disease. Partly it’s my fault that I have to undo so much. I cut corners, whether it’s refusing to plot or refusing to check my gauge. It’s easy to think I can sit around waiting for the muse to sweep me away to Creative Genius Land, where the words will flow like wine and fluffy pink bunnies poop goal, motivation, and conflict. Yes, I said, “poop.” I’ve become uncouth in this say-anything-I-want-to brave new blogging direction. I DON’T HAVE TO BE PROFESSIONAL. LA-LA-LA-LA-LA…

Just kidding. I’m much too tightly wound to ever say anything embarrassing on the internet. Perfectionism! Bane of my existence. You know what the real problem is? To a perfectionist there are only two choices: perfection or nothing. Since perfection is impossible–it doesn’t exist–that leaves nothing. I would rather create rubbish than create nothing, because the act of creation makes me happy. I am fueled by other people’s approval my love of my art.

It’s quite freeing to think that only two people read this blog anymore. I am writing for myself, as it should be.

Now if only I could carry that over to my manuscript.

My contract came in the mail finally!!! WOOOT!!! This marks three and a half months of growing anxiety that I dreamed up the whole thing. But no; I’m really going to be a published author. Start spreading the news, I’m leaving today, I’m going to make a brand new start of it in old NEW YORK! Hubby took some photos of me signing the contract.

In other exciting news, which may or may not be even bigger news, the baby is currently napping IN HER CRIB. I love attachment parenting and baby wearing, but it created a baby who only wants to nap in the front pack. After a year and almost 21 lbs, my back is killing me. Also, she no longer sleeps through typing, so I can’t write when she naps any more. The crib will be our friend. The crib will be our friend. The crib…

Sweet-as-Pie knitting pattern from Tot Toppers

You know how I said I didn’t need no stinkin’ gauge swatch? Well, as it turns out, YES….YES, I DO. I thought I’d a smaller size needles and end up with an 18 month sized dress, but it turns out I needed even bigger needles than called for in this pattern to make something that might possibly fit an 18 month old, not a doll. Whoops. I moved from size 6 to size 9, and the skirt so far looks much more reasonable. I’m still madly in love with the yarn.

I also bought this pattern from a new-to-me pattern shop that I love. Isn’t it adorable??? And a new lace pattern that has zero leaves! Hurray! Not that I dislike the leaf lace pattern; I’m just bored of it. Hopefully it will be warm enough in Seatown this summer for J to wear this dress. Yesterday it apparently snowed near here, but I haven’t lost hope yet that spring may visit us. SUN. IT BURNS ME PRECIOUSSSSS. Just kidding. SUN I NEED YOU!!! SOB. I’m so tired of rain. Did I just say that??? What kind of Seattle native am I? They’ll revoke my membership.