Writing is like this. A lot of editing. A lot of rewriting. A lot of pushing “delete”. I over-edit. I criticize before the words even hit the page. I seek perfection.

I need to stop.

Perfectionism is a disease. Partly it’s my fault that I have to undo so much. I cut corners, whether it’s refusing to plot or refusing to check my gauge. It’s easy to think I can sit around waiting for the muse to sweep me away to Creative Genius Land, where the words will flow like wine and fluffy pink bunnies poop goal, motivation, and conflict. Yes, I said, “poop.” I’ve become uncouth in this say-anything-I-want-to brave new blogging direction. I DON’T HAVE TO BE PROFESSIONAL. LA-LA-LA-LA-LA…

Just kidding. I’m much too tightly wound to ever say anything embarrassing on the internet. Perfectionism! Bane of my existence. You know what the real problem is? To a perfectionist there are only two choices: perfection or nothing. Since perfection is impossible–it doesn’t exist–that leaves nothing. I would rather create rubbish than create nothing, because the act of creation makes me happy. I am fueled by other people’s approval my love of my art.

It’s quite freeing to think that only two people read this blog anymore. I am writing for myself, as it should be.

Now if only I could carry that over to my manuscript.

In other exciting news, which may or may not be even bigger news, the baby is currently napping IN HER CRIB. I love attachment parenting and baby wearing, but it created a baby who only wants to nap in the front pack. After a year and almost 21 lbs, my back is killing me. Also, she no longer sleeps through typing, so I can’t write when she naps any more. The crib will be our friend. The crib will be our friend. The crib…

Sweet-as-Pie knitting pattern from Tot Toppers

You know how I said I didn’t need no stinkin’ gauge swatch? Well, as it turns out, YES….YES, I DO. I thought I’d a smaller size needles and end up with an 18 month sized dress, but it turns out I needed even bigger needles than called for in this pattern to make something that might possibly fit an 18 month old, not a doll. Whoops. I moved from size 6 to size 9, and the skirt so far looks much more reasonable. I’m still madly in love with the yarn.

I also bought this pattern from a new-to-me pattern shop that I love. Isn’t it adorable??? And a new lace pattern that has zero leaves! Hurray! Not that I dislike the leaf lace pattern; I’m just bored of it. Hopefully it will be warm enough in Seatown this summer for J to wear this dress. Yesterday it apparently snowed near here, but I haven’t lost hope yet that spring may visit us. SUN. IT BURNS ME PRECIOUSSSSS. Just kidding. SUN I NEED YOU!!! SOB. I’m so tired of rain. Did I just say that??? What kind of Seattle native am I? They’ll revoke my membership.

Malabrigo Yarn Rios

But this post was about casting on a new project. I went to the yarn store to purchase some leafy green Spud & Chloe Sweater yarn with the idea of making my own owl sweater dress: the top would be owls in the left-over yellow from the Owlet sweater I just made, the skirt would be a leaf lace pattern in green. But when confronted with the green choices at the store I balked. The green just didn’t jump out at me, and I was unsure of my ability to remake the pattern into my own. I dawdled around the store, hubby and baby in tow, until I happened upon a beautiful dark blue colored yarn. I didn’t have a pattern for it, but I wanted it. So, spur of the moment, bought it. It’s superwash merino and pretty thick. Aran, I think. I whiled away my free hours last night surfing ravelry for a good pattern, only to decide to do the owlet sweater again. After casting on and knitting a few rows, I changed my mind and frogged it. The Owlet Sweater, I decided, is been there, done that. I want to learn something new. Something just challenging enough to hold my attention, but not too challenging that I put it aside and forget about it.

Elenka Dress designed by Inna Aleksandrova, knit by Yantarik

Today I cast on a new dress that I think I’ll stick with. The Elenka pattern’s smallest size is 2T, so I’m knitting with smaller size 6 needles. They feel tiny in my hands, so used to size 8. Of course I didn’t knit a gauge swatch. I’m pantsing it, again, hoping that it’ll fit J for this summer, not next, when I’m done.

The blue will bring out her eyes.

I also bid on and won a Scrivener package from Larissa Ione. I realize that I’m procrastinating by reading books on craft and studying structure and pondering–always pondering–am I doing the right thing??? That Amanda Hocking person is making how much epublishing? Will people even be reading paper books in three years when mine comes out? And the grass is always greener. Cast on, cast off. What I need to do is make a choice and stay the course, because the end will be the same. J will look good in the brilliant dark blue whether it’s an owl or a pussycat. People will read my book in print or on the screen. Some will like it, some will hate it, but the story will be out there to light my little corner of the universe.

Now for the real work: knit one, purl two, and repeat.

“But Ciara,” you say,”you’re exhausted. Isn’t your baby still waking up every 2-3 hours during the night? You should be sleeping when your baby goes to bed!”

Believe me, I’ve tried. But I’ve decided to make the best of my body’s inability to fall asleep before midnight no matter how tired I am. I am going to write!

“But Ciara,” you say, “how can you possibly be coherent after not sleeping for seven months?”

Coherent? I said I was doing NaNoWriMo, not writing brilliant prose. The beauty of NaNo is that one is saved from the expectation of churning out some beautiful work of art. Nano is time for writing whatever thoughts tumble from your madly typing fingers. 50,000 words is not a novel, but it can be a great jumping off point for writing a rough draft. Last night I wrote 1,900 words (more than the 1,667 word minimum!). I’m using this time to get my ideas down on paper. In December my writing muscle will be back in shape, and I’ll start wrestling my ideas into something resembling a novel.

In case you are curious, this year I’m writing a Young Adult Steampunk Romance.

So. Who’s with me?

Follow along online or in person. There are happy hour, late night, and author reading events as part of the writing marathon. Check out the full schedule online. The event raises money for literacy programs in our fair city, including 826 Seattle and Seattle Arts & Lectures’ Writers in the Schools Program.

Seattle Public Library’s Shelf Talk blog asked some of the writers what their favorite books on writing are. Classics by Donald Maass and Stephen King made the list, but the other four I haven’t heard of. I see a trip to the library in my future.

In other news, I finished Meljean Brook’s THE IRON DUKE and was quite pleased. Go forth and read it!

My baby is six months and still not sleeping through the night. I read a book once that advocated writing before you’ve really woken up in the morning. The author said that you should write before you check email or read the newspaper or drink your coffee, that your creative mind is the most active when you are still half asleep. Perhaps this means I am in a constantly creative state these days, but all I feel is tired. I have stories buzzing around my head, but no energy to put fingers to keyboard.

I am happy to announce that Hearts of Darkness is a finalist in the Georgia RWA’s Maggie Contest and the New Jersey RWA’s Put Your Heart in a Book Contest. Both are pretty big chapter contests. The PYHIAB is judged by three published authors in the first round (3 published people liked my entry!!!) and judged by an editor, agent, and big name author in the final round. This year the paranormal final judges are Cori Deyoe, Three Seas Literary Agency, Holly Blanck, St. Martin’s Press, and author Deborah Cooke. The final judge in the Maggie paranormal/fantasy category is editor Esi Sogah from Avon.

This is the end of the contest train for me, unless I enter the Golden Heart (which is sadly not electronic). It’s nice to go out on a high note.

Brenda Novak Auction for Diabetes Research

Advanced readers copies (ARCs), autographed books, critiques, lunches with editors and agents, gift baskets, one of a kind trips around the world…there is something for everyone in Brenda Novak’s annual auction. In past auctions I’ve purchased critiques of my first (sadly abandoned under the bed) novel from authors Candice Hern and Lori Handeland, and lunch in San Francisco at the RWA National Conference with author Jenna Peterson. This year I bid on a critique or two, but was outbid. The main item I’m excited about is the Brenda Novak mentorship contest. (Did someone say contest? sign me up!) With a $50 entry fee, the first fifty pages of one’s completed novel will be judged by Barbara Freethy, Cindy Gerard, Dianna Love, Susan Mallery, Karen Rose, Karin Tabke, Debra Webb, and C.L. Wilson. The winner gets a six-month mentorship by Brenda and a read by her agent and editor. As of today 65 people have entered. Better odds than the Golden Heart thus far, but the month is still young.

Do the Write Thing for Nashville Auction

The 2010 RWA National Conference was supposed to be in Nashville this year at the Gaylord Hotel, but flooding has moved it to Orlando. To raise money for flood relief, a bunch of writers and publishing people have banded together to auction off more books, critiques and the like. Every three days a new set of items goes up for bid.

Check these great opportunities out. Great prizes for a great cause. Bid high and bid often!